Bellamy's Bugle

BELLAMY'S BUGLE
Made by: ?
Shown on: ITV
Years shown: 1986

This is one I have all but erased from my memory. Britain’s favourite botanist, David Bellamy, produces an environmental newsletter every week on his boxy eighties computer, which rather unnecessarily spoke in a sexy female voice. Well, botanists have to get their kicks somewhere, I suppose. Anyway, I think we were treated to library footage of animals in their natural habitats, plus David’s comedy antics, which were kept in check by the computer. I actually met David Bellamy at the opening of a garden centre in 1983, and I had my photo taken with him, where I have my finger up my nose. If only it had been his nose.

SQUARE EYES RATING: 3/10

(Thanks to TV Cream for the borrowed pic)

Beat the Teacher

BEAT THE TEACHER
Made by: ?
Shown on: BBC1
Years shown: 1984-8

It took me a while to recall what this was all about. All I could initially remember were kids shouting, “Middle, middle two!” and the fact that I quite fancied the presenter, Paul Jones. In actual fact, Jones was the second presenter, having succeeded Howard Stableford, in this, a giant game of noughts and crosses. The basic scenario was that it was kids versus teachers; they were asked questions, which were usually riddles or puzzles which were intended to be fair to both competitors, and whoever got the answer right could move a piece on the board. The board was a big click-clacking piece of low-budget BBC technology, and each of the squares was 3D, with different symbols on each face. The sequence of the turning faces was something like X, blank, O, blank, and the competitors had to remember this, in order to turn it to either X or O in their favour. Scores were built up by answering questions worth 1,2 or 3 points according to difficulty, and the champion would return the next week, to face another tweed-jacketed teacher or bloody precocious child. Teachers usually scored highest, but the children were in it for the prestige of defeating Mr Warner, who made you do PE in your underwear the previous week. Radio 1 DJ Bruno Brookes took over emcee duties from ex-Manfred Mann singer Jones, and it went downhill from there, even introducing a desperate eighties rap to the theme music.

SQUARE EYES RATING: 6/10

(Thanks to www.tvradiobits.co.uk for the borrowed pic!)