Switch off the TV set and do something less boring instead...

It's with some sadness that I reach the end of this blog. There are probably plenty of children's TV shows that I haven't covered, but I've reached the end of the alphabet and it's time to do something new. If you've been reading this blog over the past few months I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I've enjoyed the reminiscing - I apologise if I've awakened anyone's childhood traumas...! Please have a look at my other blogs, which are equally vitriolic and hopefully amusing - there will be more coming soon!

Your Mother Wouldn't Like It

YOUR MOTHER WOULDN'T LIKE IT
Made by: Central Television
Shown on: ITV
Years shown: 1985-88

Well, the makers of this manic, slightly vulgar kids’ show were right about one thing: my mother didn’t like it. In fact, it was when she saw a sketch very similar to that of Mr Creosote in Monty Python's Meaning of Life, about a boy stuffing his face with fast-food, that she forbade me from watching it. Your Mother Wouldn’t Like It! was a more extreme version of Stop That Laughing at the Back, which it ran alongside for a while; it was a sketch-show where the humour and entire mentality was very anti-parents and anti-authority. Aren’t we clever and innovative?, they thought. And actually, they were right to some extent, because the show nabbed itself a BAFTA for Best Children’s Entertainment Programme. Your Mother Wouldn’t Like It was comprised of a sequence of often serialised sketches, including the escapades of Lonnie (Paul Stark) and Loaf (Ian Kirkby), the Sue Townsend-penned The Wimp (played by Simon Schatzenberger), and the real big-hitter, Palace Hill. Palace Hill was a Grange Hill spoof, with mock Prince Charles and Prince William characters in starring roles, complete with the big, sticking-out ears, of course. It was deeply unfunny, but managed to secure its own spin-off programme, which ran for a few series in the mid-eighties CITV wasteland.

SQUARE EYES RATING: 2/10

You Should Be So Lucky!

YOU SHOULD BE SO LUCKY!
Made by: ?
Shown on: BBC1
Years shown: circa 1986

Theme tune: "You should be so/You should be so/You should be so lucky!"

What were the inventors of this game show thinking? I can’t even begin to give a comparison. You Should Be So Lucky! was a quiz which involved a snakes and ladders board, an assortment of traditional fairground stalls (hook-a-duck, coconut shy), and a dreadful, white-toothed, faux-American host called Vince Purity (played by Colin Bennett.) He was assisted by four stage-school kids, who were equally deserving of a firing squad; the three girls and one boy dressed in twee Edwardian costumes, and sometimes went by the names April, May, June and…Alexander (the latter’s non-conformity was thought to be hilarious.) The competing children, most of whom were also stage-school material, would take part in a number of different games, which were arbitrarily judged by an audience clap-o-meter. There were also the dreaded 'talent turns', where the contestants partook in various variety show-style antics....ugh, my skin is crawling. I was mildly diverted by this when I was seven, but hopefully I’d be more discerning these days.

SQUARE EYES RATING: 3/10