Rainbow

RAINBOW
Made by: Thames TV
Shown on: ITV
Years shown: 1971-92

Theme tune: "Up above the streets and houses, rainbow climbing high/Everyone can see it smiling all over the sky/Paint the whole world with a rainbow"

Rainbow is one of the longest-running children’s television shows of all time, and it was originally an attempt to emulate the spectacular success of Sesame Street across the pond. Geoffrey Hayes was the presenter who endured more than any man should have to, and he supposedly lived in a house with a bear, a hippopotamus and…well…a Zippy. Bungle was the unfeasibly camp bear (or man-in-a-bear-costume), who liked wearing tutus and prancing around like the drama queen that he was. George the puppet hippo was also lacking in obvious testosterone, and with his pink skin and long, curly eyelashes, he prompted many accusations that he was actually a girl. Then there was Zippy, a yellow loudmouth puppet who, with his zip mouth, looked like some kind of S&M nightmare. Zippy was an incessant talker, which made his zip very handy - he was also known to fart in the bed that he shared, perfectly innocently, with George and Bungle. Delightful. Ray Skelton provided the voices for both George and Zippy, the latter of whom he based on an amalgamation of Margaret Thatcher and Ian Paisley, and he -incredibly - used to do them simultaneously, which often meant arguing with, and interrupting, himself. Enough to make you schizophrenic.

Rainbow also had an infamous musical troupe, called Rod, Jane and Freddy, who were the worst kind of children’s entertainers. When they begun in the early seventies, they were all long-haired and strummed guitars, and looked like they were on The Old Grey Whistle Test, but when the eighties hit, they hit hard. The line-up changed over the years (Sooty’s Matthew Corbett was one of a number of Freddies), but settled eventually with Rod Burton, Jane Tucker and Freddy Marks, who looked as though he had a few burgers before each show. They dressed in dungarees, sung inane songs, and frolicked around in a manner unacceptable even for someone thirty years their junior. They were an embarrassment to watch, even for three year olds. Actually, I always found the whole thing rather juvenile, and felt faintly sorry for Geoffrey, putting up with a trio of ridiculous dummies…not to mention George, Zippy and Bungle.

SQUARE EYES RATING: 3/10