Dungeons and Dragons

DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS
Made by: TRS Inc/Marvel
Shown on: BBC1
Years shown: 1983-4

With its roots in the nerdiest of nerdy pursuits, this badly-drawn American cartoon told the story of a group of kids who set off on a fairground ride called ‘Dungeons and Dragons’, and are never seen in this dimension again. I barely ever saw past the titles, because my mum didn’t approve of the programme’s content, but I actually think she saved me from wasting a few half hours of my life.

There was Hank, the blond, self-righteous leader, Eric the obligatory coward, Presto the junior magician, Diana the token black girl (wearing a fur bikini), another girl called Sheila, and then Bobby, a small boy who, for some reason, always carried a club. The girls had also managed to stumble across a miniature, painfully cute unicorn, which they imaginatively named Uni, and which always managed to get itself into unnecessary peril.

The gang were supposedly helped by the Dungeon Master, a midget with male-pattern baldness and a red cloak, who spoke in riddles and added so much more confusion that the kids were bound never to make it out of the ride. Sort of like Yoda, but talking even greater bollocks. They were surrounded by the usual round of elves and hobbits, but the chief bad guy was Venger, a Satan-esque figure with an unhealthily-pale face, a red cloak and a pair of dear antlers. He was flanked by his Shadow Demons and the Orcs, dragon-like beasts in full armour.

Let Dungeons & Dragons be a warning to anyone who tries to make a very minority, and frankly, inexplicable, interest into something exciting and accessible; it was too mainstream for the multi-sided dice owning purists, and too dorky for everyone else.

SQUARE EYES RATING: 1/10