The broom cupboard

THE BROOM CUPBOARD
Made by: BBC
Shown on: BBC1 & BBC2
Years shown: 1985-1994

Not strictly a programme, the ‘broom cupboard’ was the bit between the programmes on Children’s BBC, where the presenter would show viewers’ birthday cards and drawings of Dogtanian or He-Man, and try to be humorous.

First up was Philip Schofield, famous for going grey at 16, who presented the slot with squeaky glove-puppet, Gordon the Gopher, who was far more popular than he was. ‘Pip’ was obsessed by the words to the Mysterious Cities of Gold theme, and made it his personal quest to get Petula Clark’s ‘Downtown’ back to the top of the charts. Schofield went on to Going Live (and a career in the daytime TV doldrums), and was replaced by plain Andy Crane, who was buddies with the more annoying Edd the Duck glove puppet. He also thought it was a good idea to introduce a ‘comedy’ broom, and also a silent butler, called Wilson, whose gloved hand was the only part of him we saw. Crane disappeared into obscurity via defection to ‘the other side’, but he was immortalised in the crap charity song, ‘John Kettley (Is a Weatherman)’ by Tribe of Toffs, which, fact fans, got to number 5 in December 1988 (the line, incidentally, was “Andy Crane’s lost his brain”. Insightful.)

Managing even to outdo Andy Crane in the mediocre stakes was Simon Parkin, a youthful ginge, who never really had a chance. He was succeeded by Radio Topshop DJ, Andi Peters, who was only eighteen when crowned king of the cupboard; and then of course went on to be everywhere and take over television and be mates with Gary Barlow. The broom cupboard was phased out with the dawn of the nineties, and replaced by a massive colourful studio populated by Philippa ‘Now serious TV presenter’ Forrester, the rather camp Toby Anstis, and legions of androgynous, grinning post-adolescents. Bring back that broom!

SQUARE EYES RATING: 7/10

(Thanks to www.the-broom-cupboard.co.uk for the borrowed pic)