Jamie and the Magic Torch

JAMIE AND THE MAGIC TORCH
Made by: Cosgrove Hall/Thames TV
Shown on: ITV
Years shown: 1976-9 (and endless repeats)

Theme tune: "Jamie! Jamie!/Jamie and the Magic Torch/Down the helter-skelter, faster and faster/towards Cuckoo Land."

A true legend among children’s cartoons, Jamie was a little boy with a sweeping seventies quiff, and flared pyjamas. Every night his mother (who, eerily, just appeared on the programme as a shadow on his bedroom wall) would tuck Jamie into bed, and thirty seconds later he’d be up and about again. Nothing unusual about that with children, but Jamie was different. Together with his dog, Wordsworth, who wore a night-cap, Jamie would embark on nocturnal adventures thanks to his magic torch; he would beam it onto the floor, and a hole would appear - it led to a helter-skelter, which transported them straight into Cuckooland, via an exit in a tree.

Once in Cuckooland, Wordsworth could talk, although, unfortunately, in a Gloucestershire accent, and all kinds of crazy people would descend on them, clearly inspired by Yellow Submarine. There was Mr Boo, who flew around in a floating submarine, and was obsessed with counting things; similarly afflicted was Gotcha, a policeman who was half unicycle, who ate truncheons as a snack, and was preoccupied by early closing on Wednesdays (yes, I’m getting a headache from this too.) There was also Billy Bundy the Showbusiness Rabbit; Nutmeg the rag-doll, who had a bottomless handbag like Mary Poppins, and subsequently did nothing to help the feminist cause; and the truly bizarre and inappropriately-named Jo-Jo Help, who always arrived in a time of crisis, and then found as many excuses as he could for not helping out. At the end of the episode, the hole in the tree would appear, and it would be time for Jamie to return to his bedroom. Now, whichever way you look at it, Jamie was a little boy who needed help: if these were recurring dreams he was having, he was either taking some serious drugs or needed therapy, and if not, he was evidently having hallucinations brought on by insomnia. That’s what happens when your mum’s just a shadowy spectre.

SQUARE EYES RATING: 6/10

(Thanks to www.jedisparadise.co.uk for the borrowed pic)