He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE
Made by: Filmation
Shown on: BBC1
Years shown: 1982 onwards

Toy company Mattel came up with the ultimate marketing ploy for their new line of action figures - turn them into TV stars, of course. They invested huge amounts of money in 65 episodes of this, one of the crappiest, most shoddily-made cartoons ever to be a blight on our TV screens. Prince Adam of Eternia, an interesting mix of ludicrous muscles, a girly blond bob, and a pink waistcoat, led a double life. He held his sword aloft, cried out, “By the power of Greyskull!” and turned into He-Man, the self-confessed “most powerful man in the Universe”, who wore red underpants and criss-cross braces across his considerable chest. From this point on, it was all very boring because, obviously, the most powerful man - not to mention the most modest - cannot be beaten with any ease. Prince Adam also owned a cowardly green (?!) tiger, called Cringer (he obviously knew what kind of a series he was starring in), who had the ability to shed all fears and become Battlecat. As a consequence, thousands of eight year old boys around the country kidnap the neighbours’ tabby, try to stick a helmet on it, and throw it over the wall to see if it can leap across gorges. He-Man’s great adversary was Skeletor, some kind of mummy who was obviously very pissed off at having been disturbed from a lifelong slumber; he was actually quite grotesque, with rags hanging off him, but his impact was lessened by his pathetic cronies, such as Buzz-Off (a man in a bee outfit) and Whiplash, who was some kind of dragon with a deadly tail. But all He-Man had on his side, apart from the cat, was some kind of floating ghost in a purple robe, possibly called Orca, and someone with the very odd name of Man-at-Arms - let’s hope he never changed his job, or it really wouldn’t work.

SQUARE EYES RATING: 1/10

(Thanks to www.tellytunes.com for the borrowed pic)